Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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