My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
