Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
