If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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