Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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