On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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