Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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