So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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