you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
