I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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