so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize