Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
