All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love having hate sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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