he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
