Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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