I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
