I feel great
I just peed on a car
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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