i permit you to call me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
