why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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