I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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