nutella sex= disaster
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize