Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize