my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
