bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize