his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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