i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
