I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
