I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
