He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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