dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
