The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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