Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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