if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
