I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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