He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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