tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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