he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize