I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
