Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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