can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
