she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
