Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
