sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
