After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
