So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
