I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do vagina's smell?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
