he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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