i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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