VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
