ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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