My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
