Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
