She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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