i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize