You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
