ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
