Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
