SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
