So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
