We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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