i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
