Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she told me i tasted like america
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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