i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
