We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
