I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize