Umm I'm too high to move.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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