yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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